It's never a good idea to go out on a school night. It's even less of a good idea to go out on a school night when you have to get up at 6:30 the next morning.
The exodus from Manila has begun. One of the client reps leaves today, so last night was a bit of a farewell bash for her, and for Crissy's sister who has been visiting for the last week. The plan was to have a few drinks at a bar, then dance up a storm at RnB night at the Intercontinental's club iCon. We kicked things off at the Outback Steakhouse bar, which does enormous jugs of Mojitos and Margaritas. We were the only white girls in the place, amid the throngs of older white males and their RAFs (Rent-A-Friend). Sex tourism is an interesting phenomenon in the Philippines, as in other Asian countries I've visited. Even the largest, most hideous white businessman can get a little Filipina friend to hang off his arm for an evening, and even perform "special services" for the low price of about $50 a night. A quick google search yesterday revealed an entire directory of organisations offering escort services, clubs with dancing girls, and places to hook up discreetly. And the bar last night was packed with RAFs already hooked up, as well as unattached RAFs in the making looking to recruit their next friend.
We enjoyed our cocktails and giggled at the scene around us. We saw a famous Canadian UFC fighter enter the restaurant above, complete with entourage and camera crew. Crissy's sister got rather excited and tried (and failed) to shimmy her way up there to say hi and take a photo. A little drama played out before us, as an intoxicated RAF in the making got a little loud and raucous in the recruitment process and was asked to leave the bar. She and her wingman (woman?) did so with a great stomping of feet and unintelligible yelling. The American boys who had been dealing with her got a drink on the house for their patience. Drama dealt with, until about 10 minutes later when drunk-girl returned and tried to coerce the bouncer into letting her in. A loooooong and amusing negotiation process followed until she finally gave up and stomped off, banging her hands along the windows as she left.
With that done and our drinks empty, we wandered across the road to the Intercontinental. The iCon club is open several nights a week and pulls a pretty big Filipino and white crowd. Thursday nights at iCon are RnB nights. Since the group of people I'm here with seems to only dance to this loathsome stuff, Thursday was the night to go. As we wandered up the entryway to the club, we were blocked by the bouncers who explained that the club was closed for a private function, and only the guests of the Canadian fighter (who was still over the road enjoying his dinner) were allowed to enter. We stood outside and pouted. Looked like the night was over for us. But as we did so, fighter-guy (I'm sure he has a name but I can't remember it) blew past us in a great flashing of cameras. Not to be left out, one of our group quickly fell in line behind the entourage and slipped into the club. She returned a few minutes later, assuring the door staff that "Harry" had given us all permission to enter the venue and join the party. Not sure who "Harry" was, but borrowing his name got us all in!
The club was packed. A huge downstairs dancefloor was full of dancing bodies, and the VIP balcony upstairs was lined with fancy types. We joined the plebs downstairs and danced for a while. I was pleasantly surprised to find that not all the music was Rnb - there was a decent selection of house and electro. The mixing was abysmal - the DJ needed an urgent lesson in beatmatching and song selection. But it was music, and a few jager-bombs later the transitions weren't quite so grating.
Something I should mention - Filipinos REALLY like white people. Especially blondes. This is great for us, because we have two blondies in our group. Its gotten us all kinds of benefits so far, and last night was no different. About half an hour in, the club owner came down and invited one blondie (and us) to join him and his friends on the VIP balcony. We climbed up, and were immediately surrounded by a large group of friendly guys wanting to chat and offer us free drinks, which we took eagerly :p We hung out and danced with them in a big group - first upstairs on the balcony and then down on the dancefloor. It was pretty cool to be adopted by such friendly strangers - even if one did take a particular shine to me and try to convince me to go home with him. According to him, what happens in the Philippines, stays in the Philippines. Unconvinced.
3am rocked around, and I finally decided I was too buggered to bop anymore. 3 and a half hours sleep later, I'm up again for work. I might still be slightly intoxicated. If anyone wants me, I'll be sleeping under my desk.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
This is gonna be a long one
Forgive me, I've sinned. Its been over 2 weeks since my last post. The last couple of weeks have been overwhelming, exciting, and exhausting, and I've not managed to muster the brain capacity to write. But I'm ready to have a decent go at recording recent events...
Work
The last week of work was pretty much heads down, bums up to try to power through the material we hadn't been able to cover while systems were down. The 3 days behind on training ballooned into 6 days when IT took until Wednesday (3 days before training ended) to give us a working version of our client's CRM. I think my training group's brains almost exploded with all the information I packed into them in such a short space of time. But they put in a stellar effort, and I began to believe they just might be ready.
The phones were a different story. Firstly, they had to be sent here from Sydney. I don't know why, but that was the way they did it. International mail = customs = stuck. The phones were finally released around Thursday arvo, just in time to try to configure them. FAIL. The software that operated the phones didn't connect, and when it did it was all wrong. After hours and hours of testing we got a workaround solution that would allow the agents to take calls, but they'd have to jump through all kinds of hoops to do so. For one, the application that saves calls so we can report on them was sized incorrectly, and the "save" button was invisible. To fix this, the agents had to end the call, press Ctrl+Alt and the right arrow to flip the screen on its side and make the button visible again. Then save, and flip it back up again. That's a really cool fuckup to make when you have a client onsite overseeing your big day.
The last Friday of training was a graduation ceremony. Yup. They gave out certificates, and even did performances!! The trainees performed a rather amusing rendition of the song "G'day g'day" that they'd learnt in language and culture training, plus their team song, "Lean on Me". Here they are, dancing around the work cafeteria:
It was kinda cool that they put so much effort into showing their employees that they're important. The site director said a little speech, and they had a full on awards ceremony
with handshaking and photos, and a GIANT CAKE. 
You'd never see that in Australia. Certainly never at MY company in Australia.
The good news is that, despite all the fuckups and delays, Go Live was a success!! We spent the Saturday arvo beforehand getting the office appropriately decorated.
Everyone was ready to go on Monday, 
And they pretty well killed it. There's still the odd grammatical error that we need to beat out of them, like learning to say "transfer TO" instead of "transfer IN which seems to be their preposition of choice. And there's the one agent that, no matter how much time I spend with her, does not seem to improve. AT ALL. Not sure whether its the english skills, or if she's just really stupid. But comprehension is not a strong point. But I guess there's one in every group. However, I still stand by my statement that these guys are the best group I've ever trained. And now I have proof :)
Shopping
God...shopping here is INTENSE. Because there's city all around, there doesn't seem to be much else to do. I may have explained this before, but the hotel I'm staying at is on top of a giant mall. Think Parramatta Westfield-like proportions. If you walk through to the other side of that mall, there's another mall. And one behind that. Directly opposite my hotel is another mall. Around the corner is one more, and another one behind. And I have a sneaking suspicion that the giant hole in the ground that I can see from my window is going to be yet another one. Then there are the malls, markets and bazaars that you have to get to by cab...
Glorietta 1, 2, 3, 4, 5: Yup. There's five of them. The hotel is on top of number 4. Inside are the brand name stores like Mossimo, Guess, Gap, Marks and Spencer blah blah blah. Similar prices to back home.
Landmark and SM: Two malls, each a giant 4 level department store. When I say giant, I mean a department store the size of Broadway Shopping centre. Bit cheaper than brand names, and the shoe collection is to die for. Well, it would be if I weren't a giant with flippers for feet.
Greenbelt 1, 2, 3...?: I have no idea how many there are. All the fancy expensive stores are there - Hermes, Prada...I've never been inside, but there are some nice bars with good happy hour deals. The whole place is beautifully landscaped, with huge trees and man-made waterfalls creating a foresty kind of feel.
Market-Market: CHEAP place to shop. There's stores with decently priced clothes, and also a fashion market where you can try your luck at haggling with the stallholders. I also managed to get myself a rad haircut for about $12 Aussie dollars. And I'd have to say it was on a par with some of the nicer expensive haircuts I've had at home.
Greenhills: Market central. This is where all your knockoff products lie in wait. Bags, wallets, shoes, clothing, pearls...all packed into a dark cave-like shed. Stallholders call out to you as you wander past, with "yes ma'am" and "you buy". Haggling is a hot and heavy business here - you need to be quick to ask for 'best price', then take half off that again as your asking price, then be prepared to walk away and let the seller chase after you until you get the price you want. I fail at haggling, so I've had to enlist the services of the others to help me. And I've not done too badly. For someone who isn't into brand names I've managed to end up with both a Gucci and Christian Dior bag, and 2 pairs of Converse. And there's still a few weeks of shopping left :p The below is a testament to my rampant shopaholism:
Spas
The other popular pasttime here is beauty treatments. Not something I'd ever do at home, Its been a case of "everyone else is doing it, so I might as well". I've had a full body massage (NOM), my first ever pedicure, and a rad haircut. Considering having other things waxed, tweaked, cleaned etc. Who knows, I may come back from Manila acting like a real girl. As rather frightening evidence of this budding girlism, I cite purchases of liquid eyeliner, foundation, exfoliating scrub, and a loofah. All of which I've never owned before *shudder*
Bars and Clubbing
Nights out have been an interesting experience. Rnb and hip hop are the genres of choice in Manila...and its threatening to break my brain. Bars and clubs here range from shanty-style drinking dens, to luxurious dance clubs bursting with beautiful people. I think I've sampled the spectrum.
Our post graduation party drinks were held at a teeny little bar somewhere in the backstreets of Manila. I don't know that "bar" was the correct term...possibly "drinking hole" might be more apt (emphasis on the hole). We had the place to ourselves, drinking $2 cocktails and shots, taking over the sound system and dancing to silly song after silly song on someone's iPod. We also discovered just how much the Filipinos love to take and pose for pictures. My camera was out of my hands and being manned by anyone and everyone within 5 minutes. Every shot had a theme - we posed as models, rockstars, sleeping people, angry monsters...and the poses became more and more bizarre as the alcohol flowed faster,
And faster,
And faster
We all had a lot of rather drunken fun.
This was in deep contrast to the swanky clubs I visited last weekend. In our first stop, Fiama, beautifully manicured girls teetered around on scarily high heels, and slick-looking young guys scoped out their prey and headed in for the kill. Overly friendly club promoters plied us white girls with free drinks and tried to tell us about all the other clubs they worked for and wanted us to visit. I nodded agreement, and enjoyed my complimentary shots :) When beautiful got boring, we headed down the road to Encore, a club that a couple of sleazy Americans had raved to me about late one night. It was worth our while. Picture a huge hall with luxurious velvet draperies, brass railings and shiny mirrors. Picture that same hall, packed with writhing, dancing young bodies drinking hard and having the time of their lives. While the music wasn't really my taste (I loathe rnb with a passion that will never die), I enjoyed the vibe of the place. And when we got selected to leave the throng and enter the coveted VIP area, I enjoyed it even more. It was a decent night.
I'm still more a fan of the pub than the club. Anywhere I can sit down with a beer and laugh myself silly with friends, get my groove on to terrible music on a dirty dancefloor, and wear whatever the hell daggy clothing I want.
On other fronts, I'm starting to feel like I'm drowning in overwhelming estrogen here. Whose good idea was it to send four women overseas together? Especially two who have been working together for two years and still haven't managed to find a decent reason to like each other? I'm so desperate I'm starting to check out the American military guys in the hotel, for the simple reason that I'm dying for some non-female company. I want to go out and do something besides purchasing, primping or pampering. Hell, I'd even like to do something besides drinking.
Time to start doing what I want to do I think. Back to my Lonely Planet I go.
Work
The last week of work was pretty much heads down, bums up to try to power through the material we hadn't been able to cover while systems were down. The 3 days behind on training ballooned into 6 days when IT took until Wednesday (3 days before training ended) to give us a working version of our client's CRM. I think my training group's brains almost exploded with all the information I packed into them in such a short space of time. But they put in a stellar effort, and I began to believe they just might be ready.
The phones were a different story. Firstly, they had to be sent here from Sydney. I don't know why, but that was the way they did it. International mail = customs = stuck. The phones were finally released around Thursday arvo, just in time to try to configure them. FAIL. The software that operated the phones didn't connect, and when it did it was all wrong. After hours and hours of testing we got a workaround solution that would allow the agents to take calls, but they'd have to jump through all kinds of hoops to do so. For one, the application that saves calls so we can report on them was sized incorrectly, and the "save" button was invisible. To fix this, the agents had to end the call, press Ctrl+Alt and the right arrow to flip the screen on its side and make the button visible again. Then save, and flip it back up again. That's a really cool fuckup to make when you have a client onsite overseeing your big day.
The last Friday of training was a graduation ceremony. Yup. They gave out certificates, and even did performances!! The trainees performed a rather amusing rendition of the song "G'day g'day" that they'd learnt in language and culture training, plus their team song, "Lean on Me". Here they are, dancing around the work cafeteria:
It was kinda cool that they put so much effort into showing their employees that they're important. The site director said a little speech, and they had a full on awards ceremony
with handshaking and photos, and a GIANT CAKE. 
You'd never see that in Australia. Certainly never at MY company in Australia.The good news is that, despite all the fuckups and delays, Go Live was a success!! We spent the Saturday arvo beforehand getting the office appropriately decorated.
Everyone was ready to go on Monday, 
And they pretty well killed it. There's still the odd grammatical error that we need to beat out of them, like learning to say "transfer TO" instead of "transfer IN which seems to be their preposition of choice. And there's the one agent that, no matter how much time I spend with her, does not seem to improve. AT ALL. Not sure whether its the english skills, or if she's just really stupid. But comprehension is not a strong point. But I guess there's one in every group. However, I still stand by my statement that these guys are the best group I've ever trained. And now I have proof :)Shopping
God...shopping here is INTENSE. Because there's city all around, there doesn't seem to be much else to do. I may have explained this before, but the hotel I'm staying at is on top of a giant mall. Think Parramatta Westfield-like proportions. If you walk through to the other side of that mall, there's another mall. And one behind that. Directly opposite my hotel is another mall. Around the corner is one more, and another one behind. And I have a sneaking suspicion that the giant hole in the ground that I can see from my window is going to be yet another one. Then there are the malls, markets and bazaars that you have to get to by cab...
Glorietta 1, 2, 3, 4, 5: Yup. There's five of them. The hotel is on top of number 4. Inside are the brand name stores like Mossimo, Guess, Gap, Marks and Spencer blah blah blah. Similar prices to back home.
Landmark and SM: Two malls, each a giant 4 level department store. When I say giant, I mean a department store the size of Broadway Shopping centre. Bit cheaper than brand names, and the shoe collection is to die for. Well, it would be if I weren't a giant with flippers for feet.
Greenbelt 1, 2, 3...?: I have no idea how many there are. All the fancy expensive stores are there - Hermes, Prada...I've never been inside, but there are some nice bars with good happy hour deals. The whole place is beautifully landscaped, with huge trees and man-made waterfalls creating a foresty kind of feel.
Market-Market: CHEAP place to shop. There's stores with decently priced clothes, and also a fashion market where you can try your luck at haggling with the stallholders. I also managed to get myself a rad haircut for about $12 Aussie dollars. And I'd have to say it was on a par with some of the nicer expensive haircuts I've had at home.
Greenhills: Market central. This is where all your knockoff products lie in wait. Bags, wallets, shoes, clothing, pearls...all packed into a dark cave-like shed. Stallholders call out to you as you wander past, with "yes ma'am" and "you buy". Haggling is a hot and heavy business here - you need to be quick to ask for 'best price', then take half off that again as your asking price, then be prepared to walk away and let the seller chase after you until you get the price you want. I fail at haggling, so I've had to enlist the services of the others to help me. And I've not done too badly. For someone who isn't into brand names I've managed to end up with both a Gucci and Christian Dior bag, and 2 pairs of Converse. And there's still a few weeks of shopping left :p The below is a testament to my rampant shopaholism:
SpasThe other popular pasttime here is beauty treatments. Not something I'd ever do at home, Its been a case of "everyone else is doing it, so I might as well". I've had a full body massage (NOM), my first ever pedicure, and a rad haircut. Considering having other things waxed, tweaked, cleaned etc. Who knows, I may come back from Manila acting like a real girl. As rather frightening evidence of this budding girlism, I cite purchases of liquid eyeliner, foundation, exfoliating scrub, and a loofah. All of which I've never owned before *shudder*
Bars and Clubbing
Nights out have been an interesting experience. Rnb and hip hop are the genres of choice in Manila...and its threatening to break my brain. Bars and clubs here range from shanty-style drinking dens, to luxurious dance clubs bursting with beautiful people. I think I've sampled the spectrum.
Our post graduation party drinks were held at a teeny little bar somewhere in the backstreets of Manila. I don't know that "bar" was the correct term...possibly "drinking hole" might be more apt (emphasis on the hole). We had the place to ourselves, drinking $2 cocktails and shots, taking over the sound system and dancing to silly song after silly song on someone's iPod. We also discovered just how much the Filipinos love to take and pose for pictures. My camera was out of my hands and being manned by anyone and everyone within 5 minutes. Every shot had a theme - we posed as models, rockstars, sleeping people, angry monsters...and the poses became more and more bizarre as the alcohol flowed faster,
And faster,
And faster
We all had a lot of rather drunken fun.
This was in deep contrast to the swanky clubs I visited last weekend. In our first stop, Fiama, beautifully manicured girls teetered around on scarily high heels, and slick-looking young guys scoped out their prey and headed in for the kill. Overly friendly club promoters plied us white girls with free drinks and tried to tell us about all the other clubs they worked for and wanted us to visit. I nodded agreement, and enjoyed my complimentary shots :) When beautiful got boring, we headed down the road to Encore, a club that a couple of sleazy Americans had raved to me about late one night. It was worth our while. Picture a huge hall with luxurious velvet draperies, brass railings and shiny mirrors. Picture that same hall, packed with writhing, dancing young bodies drinking hard and having the time of their lives. While the music wasn't really my taste (I loathe rnb with a passion that will never die), I enjoyed the vibe of the place. And when we got selected to leave the throng and enter the coveted VIP area, I enjoyed it even more. It was a decent night.
I'm still more a fan of the pub than the club. Anywhere I can sit down with a beer and laugh myself silly with friends, get my groove on to terrible music on a dirty dancefloor, and wear whatever the hell daggy clothing I want.
On other fronts, I'm starting to feel like I'm drowning in overwhelming estrogen here. Whose good idea was it to send four women overseas together? Especially two who have been working together for two years and still haven't managed to find a decent reason to like each other? I'm so desperate I'm starting to check out the American military guys in the hotel, for the simple reason that I'm dying for some non-female company. I want to go out and do something besides purchasing, primping or pampering. Hell, I'd even like to do something besides drinking.
Time to start doing what I want to do I think. Back to my Lonely Planet I go.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Days 8-10: The silly stuff
I haven't had much to say the past few days except bitching about work, and to be honest its nice to get home at night and NOT have to think about that shit for a few hours! However, I've had some rather interesting and silly experiences since the weekend that are definitely worth sharing...
Gastronomic "Delights"
Up until now, most of my Filipino food experiences have been really delicious...but rather safe. Normal meaty bits of animals, noodly concoctions, rice-cakey sweets (see my Day 5 post for stuff on my Filo birthday feast). And because I'm Asian on the inside, I've loved every juicy bite. But my trainees picked up on my eagernes to immerse myself in Filipino culture, including its weird and wonderful (?) delicacies.
So on Monday, one of my trainees turned up with a steaming tupperware box, filled to the brim with something that smelled of barbecued goodness. I opened up the box, and discovered a bounty of meaty things on skewers. There was a long tube-like thing folded over and over on the skewer until it resembled a concertina. That was barbecued chicken intestines. There were several triangular fatty slivers of meat marinated in the same mix. Pigs ears. And then there were the browned golf ball-sized spheres. Chicken heads. My trainee watched gleefully as I surveyed his gift, wondering what I'd gotten mysef into.
I picked up a chicken intestine and studied it dubiously. Then took a bite. My trainee's grin widened as I chewed carefully. The taste was NOM. The texture though, was like a greasy tyre inner-tube: rubbery and slimy. My stomach churned, but I managed to swallow and even force a smile. I tried to put on a brave face for the pigs ear too. The taste was just as yummy, but the thick layer of gluggy fat surrounding the ear almost caused it to bounce straight back out into the container it came from. My trainee seemed content at that point that I'd tried and liked his culinary efforts, and wandered out of the room. Crissy and I burst into horrified giggles that we'd survived the ordeal and hadn't been forced to sample a chicken head. But then he came back!! Grinning just as widely, he offered to take pictures to record the moment. So I picked up a chicken head, complete with empty eye-sockets and oozy brains, and pretended to take a big hungry bite while he snapped a few shots. The remaining chicken intestines got a couple of happy snaps too. Fortunately, the guy gave up at this point and ambled off again. Saved!! I licked the chicken head and nibbled a bit just to sample it, then gave in to my swirling stomach and stopped eating. I took a couple of the remaining pieces of "meat", wrapped them up in paper and hid them in the bathroom bin so it'd look like we sampled some more!!
Tuesday was balut day. For those who don't know it, balut is a hard boiled fertilised duck egg, complete with foetus inside!! Although the very idea of it creeped me out, I knew that as part of the adventure I had to at least try it. With watching eyes monitoring my every move, I cautiously cracked open the shell to reveal what was lurking inside. I found the yolk first, speared it with my fork, dipped it in vinegar and brought it to my mouth to taste. Not bad. A bit like a hard-boiled egg with what I assumed was a duck-y flavour. Then the white...the bit with the growing baby bird lurking inside. I tried not to look, and pulled out a mouthful-sized portion and placed it in my mouth. It tasted like chicken, which was to be expected as most things do. And then disaster...a tiny baby duck feather worked its way into a gap between my teeth. My usually non-existent gag reflex kicked into gear, and it was all I could do to force the rest of the food down my throat and into my stomach. The photo sequence below tells the story:
The egg comes out. Note the fear in my eyes, badly disguised by the unconvincing smile
Cracking it open nervously
The first bite...yup I'm definitely scared now
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
What the fuck was I thinking? Never again...
I've tried the flavours of the Philippines. And now I never have to do it again! I'm definitely made for the meaty parts of the animal rather than the innards and extremities. And as for teensy baby ducks? Things with feathers shouldn't go near my mouth. My adventurous spirit is still alive though. I'm still willing to taste what these guys put in front of me...but I'm pretty well convinced that I'm unlikely to be a fan :p
Videoke
Think of an entire office full of staff crowded into the cafeteria, cheering and clapping and stomping their feet. Think of a giant widescreen TV playing video clips of Asian midgets prancing around in fairy costumes, and lyrics running along the bottom of the screen. Think of a microphone, trembling in the hand of a nervous employee who has entered the office karaoke comp as a competitor for their department.
Yup...that's how I spent my afternoon at work. The Filipinos love their karaoke, and the videoke even more so. We heard some abysmal acts that sounded like cats being strung upside down by their toes. We heard some average acts, tuneless and boring as a plank of wood. But far and away the best act of the afternoon was from OUR department. Gene the ladyboy performs late night acts at a comedy club, and sings and dances on stage when she's not at work. She got up front this afternoon and belted out an amazing rendition of "Alone", complete with perfectly placed high notes, and amazing dance moves. And boy did our team go wild. We banged trays, stomped our feet, yelled at the top of our lungs and drummed on the tables. The whole event was a lot of fun, even if it did remind me of the time I did work experience with the monkeys at taronga zoo.
Speaking of ladyboys, there's been a recent change in the dress code at work with regard to ladyboys. Since Abby's sad departure, ladyboys are no longer required to dress in pants like the other men in the office. HR has made a special exception for them to dress in skirts and dresses too, provided that their dress conforms to the fairly conservative guidelines aready in place for women (no spaghetti straps, no thongs, no boobs threatening to leap out of tops). Seems that the company has decided it wants to uphold its reputation for being a progressive employer that encourages its staff to be themselves at work. And I like that :)
So that's just a portion of the silliness that's happened over the last three days. Work continues to be frustration central, punctuated by brief periods of successful training. I'm getting more and more concerned that my trainees aren't going to be ready to take to the phones in a week and a half. I think they're getting concerned too after getting a taste of systems training today. They're confused, and nervous, and I can't really offer them any honest assurances that training will answer all their questions and provide them with the skills they need to go live. So its heads down, bums up for now, and fingers crossed we make it over the line.
Gastronomic "Delights"
Up until now, most of my Filipino food experiences have been really delicious...but rather safe. Normal meaty bits of animals, noodly concoctions, rice-cakey sweets (see my Day 5 post for stuff on my Filo birthday feast). And because I'm Asian on the inside, I've loved every juicy bite. But my trainees picked up on my eagernes to immerse myself in Filipino culture, including its weird and wonderful (?) delicacies.
So on Monday, one of my trainees turned up with a steaming tupperware box, filled to the brim with something that smelled of barbecued goodness. I opened up the box, and discovered a bounty of meaty things on skewers. There was a long tube-like thing folded over and over on the skewer until it resembled a concertina. That was barbecued chicken intestines. There were several triangular fatty slivers of meat marinated in the same mix. Pigs ears. And then there were the browned golf ball-sized spheres. Chicken heads. My trainee watched gleefully as I surveyed his gift, wondering what I'd gotten mysef into.
I picked up a chicken intestine and studied it dubiously. Then took a bite. My trainee's grin widened as I chewed carefully. The taste was NOM. The texture though, was like a greasy tyre inner-tube: rubbery and slimy. My stomach churned, but I managed to swallow and even force a smile. I tried to put on a brave face for the pigs ear too. The taste was just as yummy, but the thick layer of gluggy fat surrounding the ear almost caused it to bounce straight back out into the container it came from. My trainee seemed content at that point that I'd tried and liked his culinary efforts, and wandered out of the room. Crissy and I burst into horrified giggles that we'd survived the ordeal and hadn't been forced to sample a chicken head. But then he came back!! Grinning just as widely, he offered to take pictures to record the moment. So I picked up a chicken head, complete with empty eye-sockets and oozy brains, and pretended to take a big hungry bite while he snapped a few shots. The remaining chicken intestines got a couple of happy snaps too. Fortunately, the guy gave up at this point and ambled off again. Saved!! I licked the chicken head and nibbled a bit just to sample it, then gave in to my swirling stomach and stopped eating. I took a couple of the remaining pieces of "meat", wrapped them up in paper and hid them in the bathroom bin so it'd look like we sampled some more!!
Tuesday was balut day. For those who don't know it, balut is a hard boiled fertilised duck egg, complete with foetus inside!! Although the very idea of it creeped me out, I knew that as part of the adventure I had to at least try it. With watching eyes monitoring my every move, I cautiously cracked open the shell to reveal what was lurking inside. I found the yolk first, speared it with my fork, dipped it in vinegar and brought it to my mouth to taste. Not bad. A bit like a hard-boiled egg with what I assumed was a duck-y flavour. Then the white...the bit with the growing baby bird lurking inside. I tried not to look, and pulled out a mouthful-sized portion and placed it in my mouth. It tasted like chicken, which was to be expected as most things do. And then disaster...a tiny baby duck feather worked its way into a gap between my teeth. My usually non-existent gag reflex kicked into gear, and it was all I could do to force the rest of the food down my throat and into my stomach. The photo sequence below tells the story:
The egg comes out. Note the fear in my eyes, badly disguised by the unconvincing smile
Cracking it open nervously
The first bite...yup I'm definitely scared now
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
What the fuck was I thinking? Never again...
I've tried the flavours of the Philippines. And now I never have to do it again! I'm definitely made for the meaty parts of the animal rather than the innards and extremities. And as for teensy baby ducks? Things with feathers shouldn't go near my mouth. My adventurous spirit is still alive though. I'm still willing to taste what these guys put in front of me...but I'm pretty well convinced that I'm unlikely to be a fan :p
Videoke
Think of an entire office full of staff crowded into the cafeteria, cheering and clapping and stomping their feet. Think of a giant widescreen TV playing video clips of Asian midgets prancing around in fairy costumes, and lyrics running along the bottom of the screen. Think of a microphone, trembling in the hand of a nervous employee who has entered the office karaoke comp as a competitor for their department.
Yup...that's how I spent my afternoon at work. The Filipinos love their karaoke, and the videoke even more so. We heard some abysmal acts that sounded like cats being strung upside down by their toes. We heard some average acts, tuneless and boring as a plank of wood. But far and away the best act of the afternoon was from OUR department. Gene the ladyboy performs late night acts at a comedy club, and sings and dances on stage when she's not at work. She got up front this afternoon and belted out an amazing rendition of "Alone", complete with perfectly placed high notes, and amazing dance moves. And boy did our team go wild. We banged trays, stomped our feet, yelled at the top of our lungs and drummed on the tables. The whole event was a lot of fun, even if it did remind me of the time I did work experience with the monkeys at taronga zoo.
Speaking of ladyboys, there's been a recent change in the dress code at work with regard to ladyboys. Since Abby's sad departure, ladyboys are no longer required to dress in pants like the other men in the office. HR has made a special exception for them to dress in skirts and dresses too, provided that their dress conforms to the fairly conservative guidelines aready in place for women (no spaghetti straps, no thongs, no boobs threatening to leap out of tops). Seems that the company has decided it wants to uphold its reputation for being a progressive employer that encourages its staff to be themselves at work. And I like that :)
So that's just a portion of the silliness that's happened over the last three days. Work continues to be frustration central, punctuated by brief periods of successful training. I'm getting more and more concerned that my trainees aren't going to be ready to take to the phones in a week and a half. I think they're getting concerned too after getting a taste of systems training today. They're confused, and nervous, and I can't really offer them any honest assurances that training will answer all their questions and provide them with the skills they need to go live. So its heads down, bums up for now, and fingers crossed we make it over the line.
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